Tick tick tick tick....

So, it’s been a while since I wrote this blog, but that’s a good thing, It’s because there hasn’t been much to report! I am recovering well, my mouth is slowly healing, still waiting to have my wisdom teeth out on February 1st, but hopefully that will be a walk in the park compared to everything else!! I’m still quite tired and weak, but it is improving and I’m still pushing myself to build my strength up. My neck is still quite stiff and sore as is my leg, but i’m getting nice and used to my new tongue so you take the good with the bad!
Had a lovely christmas and new year in Thirsk, I love spending time with my family! I’m back in Liverpool now slowly trying to rebuild my life, it feels very strange but it’s nice and feels very good to be back amongst my friends!
I won’t lie, life after cancer is really tough. From diagnosis to surgery to treatment was all so fast I barely had time to take it all in and was so busy fighting so hard for my life that it wasn’t really until everything finished that it all hit me. It was such a huge thing to go through physically and emotionally it’s left me feeling a bit battered. It’s a really scary experience that makes you realise how fragile life can be. It sounds like an obvious thing to say, but you really don’t expect to get cancer, especially not at 23, and especially not a type you’ve never even heard of before. Having treatment and fighting the cancer was the easy part in some ways, now all I can do is wait and see what happens, it’s out of my hands, another young person living with cancer recently described it as being like ‘you’re waiting for a bomb to go off’ and he’s so right. You’re pretty much left on your own and it can be really hard. I’ve been really lucky to have the support of the Teenage and young adult team at clatterbridge who have been really supportive and have made a huge difference, but a lot of the time you feel like no one quite understands.
There are still a lot of positives to take away; I’m alive, that’s a pretty good one! My treatment is over and the cancer has gone. I’m really grateful for all these things, but when you’ve been so worried and ill for so long it’s hard to get used to the idea of being ok.
I don’t want to seem negative and just focus on the bad, but it’s important that people realise that this battle doesn’t finish just because the cancer has gone. So many people have told me that this is often the hardest part emotionally and that’s definitely been true for me, but I’m still here and I’m still fighting!