Ouch!

Hello! I’m doing ok, but starting to get quite sore now. My mouth is full of ulcers and blisters and my throat is very sore! Also I’m starting to sound like someone who has smoked 40 cigarettes a day for 40 years!! It’s hard and I’m struggling to eat now and not sleeping too well, it’s also hard to talk and my face is getting quite swollen, but it’s all in a good cause! They’ve given me lots of painkillers and mouth washes and all sorts of things to cope with the pain which is good. Plus I’m half way through now so the end is definitely in sight. It’s so nice having the weekends off, I’ve never appreciated it so much before. I’m at home this weekend, getting some much needed tlc from my mum and dad. Back to Liverpool on Monday! Gonna be a tough week this week, double dose of radiotherapy on Tuesday which totally wipes you out then my second cycle of chemo on Wednesday so I’m probably going to feel incredibly tired by the end of it. My doctor has decided to change the type of chemotherapy drug that I am on to one called Carboplatin. The first one that I was on has slightly damaged my hearing (I don’t really understand how!?) which isn’t a big problem now and should get better but if I continue on it it could do more permanent damage. The new drug is very similar to the old one just won’t damage my ears!
I’m looking forward to the end of treatment so so badly now. I just can’t wait till I’m back to normal and can enjoy eating and going out with my friends again! Me and Kev have a holiday booked for next summer which is definitely keeping me going, I think about it every time I’m strapped down to the radiotherapy machine!!
Trying to keep my spirits up, even though I know this will all get harder over the next few weeks, but anything to be cancer free right!?!
xxxxxxxxxx

Still plodding on

Hi again everyone.
At the end of my second week of treatment now. Everything has been going ok, but I have to say that I am exhausted! I never knew you could have this little energy and still actually be alive! But I’m getting there, just not really doing anything other than going to the hospital and having lots of naps! My mouth has started to get very dry and sore, but I’m managing ok so far. Just sipping lots of water and not eating anything too dry. The doctors have given me lots of creams and rinses for my mouth so hopefully it won’t get too bad.
Everyone at the hospital have been so nice. I think it’s because I’m so much younger than most of the other patients there, but I’m now pretty well remembered by most of the staff!! It does make the whole experience better going to a hospital where the staff are so nice and the facilities are so good.
I met a young guy this week at the hospital who also has cancer. It was nice to meet someone else my age going through something similar and who is also up for laughing about things!
It’s been so nice having the weekend off, only problem is I don’t want to go back for more treatment tomorrow. It’s hard knowing that the treatment is going to make me feel more ill and sore than I do already. Part of me wants to turn round and just say that I’m not doing it anymore. In theory I could, it’s up to me to put myself through this, but obviously I’m going to keep going, I’m not completely stupid.
Just focusing on getting through the next 4 weeks, not had time to think much about what happens after that, just taking every day as it comes!! Still feeling pretty positive and I’m really glad that I’ve managed to stay that way throughout. I’m glad I’m old enough to have some perspective on things and make too much of a drama over this, but young enough to give it a good fight. I’m not saying it’s been easy because it really hasn’t, but I hope I always look back on this and remember the good things, like how strong I’ve learnt I am and how supportive all my family and friends have been. It has really made me appreciate how good my life is and how lucky I truly am!!

The lessers of two evils.......

Chemoradiation and my un-straightened hair!

Hello everyone!
Started my treatment this week, had my night in hospital on wednesday night to have my chemotherapy. Everything went well with that, didn’t feel too sick and haven’t since so I’m pleased about that. Have felt a bit sick, but the anti-sickness drugs are really good and keep it controlled really well. I also learnt that the type of chemotherapy drug I’m on (Cisplatin, if that means anything to anyone) shouldn’t make all my hair fall out. It can make it more brittle and a bit thinner but as long as I take good care of it it should stay in ok condition. So that’s a bonus!
The radiotherapy has been fine so far, will be a couple of weeks before I get any side effects from that. Otherwise I’m just very very tired, lots of rest and early nights for me!
Just trying to stay positive still, fingers crossed I’ll get over the next few weeks over with and my test results will be clear and I’ll be well on my way to recovering. Everyone’s been really positive about my prognosis so far so there’s no reason I can’t beat this!!
I know the next few weeks will be tough, but it’s what I have to do to get over this cancer, so bring it on I say!!!!

So glad to be 23!

Hola! Went back to Clatterbridge yesterday to have my planning meeting. They fitted my mask and put me in a simulator machine so they can see exactly where they are going to aim the treatment. Was pretty simple and just gave me an idea of what the radiotherapy will be like. I start next Tuesday for 6 weeks, with my first round of chemo on the wedesday. I also met the team at the hospital who look after patients aged 16-24. They were so lovely and having that extra support is really nice. The ward where I’ll stay is also really nice, much better that the rest of the hospital. I’ll get my own room, with a bed in for my mum to stay!! and there’s a lounge with a tv and playstation and Wii that i can use whenever I’m in the hospital even when I’m not staying overnight. The team has a nurse, psychologist and social worker to help with various things and it’ll also be a good way to meet other young people with cancer who are going through the same thing as me.They organise all sorts of trips and things so it should be good. It’s at least given me something to look forward to, as I’m not particularly looking forward to the treatment starting!! It’s going to be a really hard couple of months, but it’s for the best in the long run and after this it will be done and over with and I’ll be better again in no time!! Got christmas to look forward to, not to mention mine and Kev’s holiday we’re planning for next year! (I might wait till all my hair has fallen out before I go to the travel agent to get an even better sympathy inspired deal!!)
Being in Thirsk getting looking after by my mum has been lovely, but I’m looking forward to getting back to Liverpool for a bit and seeing my friends!

I'm still here!!

Apologies for not writing for a while. Been concentrating on getting better! Went to Clatterbridge yesterday (that’s the oncology hospital where I’ll be having my treatment) to have my mould fitted. Basically they cover the top half of you in plaster of paris and use the mould to create a perspex shape of your head and neck that they will put over you during treatment to keep your head in the exact same position every time they point the x rays at you. Will be back next week for a planning meeting to go through the details of all the treatment so I’ll know more then I hope.
Had my hair cut quite short today! Not too short, but had a fair bit off. I read that having it short helps as the chemo can make it more brittle and so it’s less likely to break off if it’s short. And if it does all fall out it will be less dramatic if it’s shorter! I’m not too worried about it, I know I’ll cry my eyes out if it does all fall out, but I’ll get used to it and it will grow back!
I’m more worried about the radiotherapy, it can make you mouth very sore and blistered so it will be difficult to eat and drink and to speak, but it will only last a couple of months and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I’m doing so well now and I just have to remember that I’ll get back to this in time, in fact I’ll be even better!
Had a lovely day today with friends coming to visit and fish and chips for tea! Also, the two stitches left in the front of my lip have come out so i’m very happy about that (it’s the little things these days!)
Will try and keep this updated more, but there’s not too much going on at the moment!! Thanks for your continued support!!

On to the next step

Hello again. I’m doing well, feeling almost back to normal. Went to the hospital yesterday and had the staples taken out of my leg, there were 50 of them! It is one massive scar, but I love it, ha. News from the hospital was good, they got all of the tumour in the operation which is the most important part. The cancer had spread to two of the lymph nodes they removed, but was still contained within them (I’m sure there are people out there who understand this far better than e but I’ve been told that’s a good sign as it won’t have spread anywhere else. Met with the radiographer (described by infamously tackless surgeon as ‘being rather brash’ so you can imagine what he was like!) he has recommended that I have post-operative chemoradiation, which is six weeks of radiotherapy with three sessions of chemo mixed in. It was hard to hear this from the doctors and I got quite upset as they listed off all the possible side effects like they have to! But I am willing and ready to do whatever it takes to make sure this thing never comes back! The chemo won’t be too harsh as it’s not as often as it can be and you can’t predict how each person will react so I’ll have to wait and see. The radiotherapy will also be hard as it will be targeted on my mouth so my speech and eating is likely to get worse again. But I just keep telling myself that it will only be 6 weeks and then things will turn around again. If I can get through such a major operation so well I’m sure I can face this too. And again, age is on my side and being young often makes you more resilient to these things. It was because I’m so young and can cope with it and need it gone for a long time that he wants me to have the chemo on top!
Going to the oncology hospital next week to have my mask fitted (you have to wear a perspex max to protect the rest of your head from the x-rays) and to see their dentist to make sure my teeth look ok. Then back the following week for a planning meeting where from what I gather they just practice what they’re going to do to you! Then I’ll be back in liverpool full time for the treatment the following week I think.
So, in the mean time I’m going to enjoy the next few weeks of feeling a bit better before the treatment starts. Kev will be at the b&b over the bank holiday weekend so we will make the most of spending time together!

Thanks so much to everyone for all the kind messages and cards. It is so appreciated xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Getting better

Hello again! Feeling much better today, not so feverish! Antibiotics have started to kick in, still leaking a bit from my wound (sexy!) but hopefully that will stop soon. It’s like someone had popped my head with a pin, all this stuffs come out and the swelling in my neck has gone right down! My neck looks almost normal, just waiting for my left cheek to catch up!

Going back to Liverpool tomorrow to see my surgeon for a check up and to get the stitches (and by this i mean the big metal staples!!) taken out of my leg. Think it will be a week tomorrow when I find out the pathology results from my op and we decide what treatment to take next. I’m trying not to think about it too much and just concentrate on getting better from the op. I’m a bit worried, but whatever needs to be done I’ll do it and face it head on, there’s nothing I can’t do to get better from all this. You have to fight, because there really isn’t another choice.

Missing my friends very much, can’t wait to catch up with every again. I’m going to have a huge party when I’m better to celebrate!

Not much else to report, apart from trips to the doctors I’ve not been doing much, just watching a lot of come dine with me!!

xxxxx