Radiotherapy.....DONE!!!

So, my radiotherapy is all finished!! Had my last session yesterday morning. I’m so made up to be finished, it’s great feeling that they aren’t going to do anything more to my poor mouth and skin. The doc says it will get worse for a few days before it starts to feel better as it heals, but even psychologically I already feel better just knowing it’s over. Looking at my mouth is horrible, literally every bit is covered in blisters but at least I can only feel about 1 third of my tongue! Although the new thigh flap bit of my tongue is blistered and swollen as well I have no feeling in it, so it could feel a lot worse!! I am in a lot of pain and everyday they are increasing the amount of morphine I’m on to try and get the right balance so hopefully we’ll get that sorted soon and the pain will just start to die down too.
I’m still exhausted and that will last quite a while, but hopefully as I start to feel better I will be able to sleep more. Think I will be out on Monday, depends on how I feel though. Back in next week for my last chemo then fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong it will be bye bye to Clatterbridge! They took some blood yesterday and were about worried about some of it, like my red blood cell count was quite low so they will take some more on Wednesday and decide then if I’m up for the last chemo or not!
The last six weeks have gone much faster than I thought they would and it has been hard, but they kind of prepare you for the absolute worst so I was expecting worse. I’m so pleased I’ve managed to keep eating enough and getting my nutritional drinks down me that I haven’t had to have a feeding tube! I warned them I was stubborn enough to do it and I’ve even managed to put on 2 kilos!! haha, nothing stops me!
It’s been such a bizarre few months and I can’t believe it’s nearly at an end. I’m so excited now at the thought of getting my life back to normal, there is so many little things I’ve missed. It’s going to take a long time to get totally well again, I’m going to feel quite tired for a good few months, but I’ll get there and it will have been so worth the whole thing!!

I can see the finish line!!

So, I’m still in hospital, generally getting looked after by the lovely nursing staff. I’m doing ok, just feeling very tired and worn out and very sore. Only got 4 days left of radiotherapy now, and I can not wait to finish!! They’re doing everything they can to make me feel more comfy, increasing my pain relief and trying to get rid of various infections and blisters that crop up in my mouth. I’ve not been sleeping very well at all so the doc has given me something to totally knock me out tonight so I can get at least one good night’s sleep. Everyone is amazed at how persistent and stubborn I can be and that I am still eating on my own. I really don’t want to be fed through a tube again so I am pressing on and managing my pureed meals and energy drinks and fingers crossed it won’t be too long until I’m enjoying my food again.
Saw my consultant yesterday, she’s very pleased with my progress. After this week I have an appointment to see my main doctor in about 4 weeks time and I’m seeing my surgeon again at the beginning of december for check ups to se how I’m doing once my treatment has finished. It will then just be a case of keeping my eye on things and seeing my doctors a lot and hopefully that will be it! It will obviously be a while before I know everything is ok, but I’m definitely taking steps in the right direction.
Not sure how long I’m going to be in hospital, until I feel well enough to go home I guess. I will be going back to my parents for a while after being here, I’m not up to looking after myself yet! The hospital are happy to have me, although apparently if I’m still here in 3 months time I might be pushing my luck a bit!!!
It is hard, very hard, but the end is so near now and I am so excited to get my life back again!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back in again!

I’m back in hospital! Just been feeling a bit rough the last few days, a bit flemmy so just in to check it’s nothing serious and get a bit of rest etc. It’s not so bad and it is nice knowing that there are people around to look after me. Didn’t sleep well at all last night, was struggling to breath so I do feel a bit safer here.
Been feeling pretty emotional the last few days, think it’s mostly just tiredness. It is getting harder to keep going, but I am doing and the end is definitely in sight.
It was 20 years ago yesterday that my Nana passed away after fighting cancer. I don’t remember much of her as I was so young, but I feel closer to her now more than ever and I really hope she’d be proud of me now and it makes me even more determined to beat this for both of us.
I have honestly never realised how good food is until all this, ha! It just makes it so much harder not being able to eat properly. It’s such a huge comfort so it does make it much more difficult. I can’t wait till my mouth is better and I can eat whatever I want again!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Escaped!

Greetings. Thought I would write another little up date on how I’m getting on. Out of hospital for now (having taken the entire contents of the pharmacy with me!) on the condition that I will be straight back down there if I feel unwell or am having problems with my eating and drinking. It is still really painful, but hopefully with all the painkillers and mouth care I’m on it should be ok. Just under two weeks of radiotherapy left now and probably one more cycle of chemo near the end of October for good luck!
It is hard, not being able to eat much is frustrating and even when I do it doesn’t taste of much. More of my hair is definitely coming out now so will just have to see how that goes and my skin is getting quite red and itchy. It’s hard not feeling particularly pretty, but I know it’s all just temporary. I just can’t wait to get a nice dress on and some make up and hit the town again! This whole thing has put everything into perspective and made me realise what’s really important in life, but I do miss the little things too. It has made me realise that I used to complain about the stupidest things and used to think things were so hard when they really weren’t, not compared to this. It’s also definitely made me appreciate certain people in my life, some people have shone through as amazing friends and been so supportive (and some have been surprisingly rubbish, but I wont name names, haha!) I can’t wait to through a massive party when I’m better to celebrate and to thank everyone who’s been there for me! I’ll be back on that dancefloor before you know it!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Blogging from my hospital bed!!

Hello again! Have bee in hospital all week and only just got back up on line!! Had a really rough weekend last weekend, and felt pretty bad by the time I got back to the hospital in Monday, not really eating or sleeping at all so they decided to admit me to get me on some more pain relief and to make sure I was eating. Got bad mucositis (which sounds as gross as it is!!) which is basically just loads of ulcers and infection in my mouth! It’s much better now and has cleared up quite lot so that’s good. I also swelled up so much it was ridiculous, my lips and face were huge! So they’ve started me on a course of steroids to ring that down a bit.
It’s been pretty good having a week in actually, it’s just so much easier not having to travel and having help there whenever I need it. And just little things like they have nice mushy unseasoned food for me to eat that I don’t have to make!! There’s also been a couple of other young people on the ward this week too so it’s not been too dull!
Had more chemo this week, that went really well. I only had to be on the drip for an hour this time (as opposed to 16 hours on the old one) and I haven’t really felt sick at all. I have to be much more careful on this one as I’m much more likely to catch an infection over the next few weeks, but even if I do at least I know I can hack time spent in here!!
The teenage and young adult ward here really is so nice, it’s makes a huge difference!!
Only 2 weeks left of treatment now! Be back at home from Monday I think then nearly finished!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ouch!

Hello! I’m doing ok, but starting to get quite sore now. My mouth is full of ulcers and blisters and my throat is very sore! Also I’m starting to sound like someone who has smoked 40 cigarettes a day for 40 years!! It’s hard and I’m struggling to eat now and not sleeping too well, it’s also hard to talk and my face is getting quite swollen, but it’s all in a good cause! They’ve given me lots of painkillers and mouth washes and all sorts of things to cope with the pain which is good. Plus I’m half way through now so the end is definitely in sight. It’s so nice having the weekends off, I’ve never appreciated it so much before. I’m at home this weekend, getting some much needed tlc from my mum and dad. Back to Liverpool on Monday! Gonna be a tough week this week, double dose of radiotherapy on Tuesday which totally wipes you out then my second cycle of chemo on Wednesday so I’m probably going to feel incredibly tired by the end of it. My doctor has decided to change the type of chemotherapy drug that I am on to one called Carboplatin. The first one that I was on has slightly damaged my hearing (I don’t really understand how!?) which isn’t a big problem now and should get better but if I continue on it it could do more permanent damage. The new drug is very similar to the old one just won’t damage my ears!
I’m looking forward to the end of treatment so so badly now. I just can’t wait till I’m back to normal and can enjoy eating and going out with my friends again! Me and Kev have a holiday booked for next summer which is definitely keeping me going, I think about it every time I’m strapped down to the radiotherapy machine!!
Trying to keep my spirits up, even though I know this will all get harder over the next few weeks, but anything to be cancer free right!?!
xxxxxxxxxx

Still plodding on

Hi again everyone.
At the end of my second week of treatment now. Everything has been going ok, but I have to say that I am exhausted! I never knew you could have this little energy and still actually be alive! But I’m getting there, just not really doing anything other than going to the hospital and having lots of naps! My mouth has started to get very dry and sore, but I’m managing ok so far. Just sipping lots of water and not eating anything too dry. The doctors have given me lots of creams and rinses for my mouth so hopefully it won’t get too bad.
Everyone at the hospital have been so nice. I think it’s because I’m so much younger than most of the other patients there, but I’m now pretty well remembered by most of the staff!! It does make the whole experience better going to a hospital where the staff are so nice and the facilities are so good.
I met a young guy this week at the hospital who also has cancer. It was nice to meet someone else my age going through something similar and who is also up for laughing about things!
It’s been so nice having the weekend off, only problem is I don’t want to go back for more treatment tomorrow. It’s hard knowing that the treatment is going to make me feel more ill and sore than I do already. Part of me wants to turn round and just say that I’m not doing it anymore. In theory I could, it’s up to me to put myself through this, but obviously I’m going to keep going, I’m not completely stupid.
Just focusing on getting through the next 4 weeks, not had time to think much about what happens after that, just taking every day as it comes!! Still feeling pretty positive and I’m really glad that I’ve managed to stay that way throughout. I’m glad I’m old enough to have some perspective on things and make too much of a drama over this, but young enough to give it a good fight. I’m not saying it’s been easy because it really hasn’t, but I hope I always look back on this and remember the good things, like how strong I’ve learnt I am and how supportive all my family and friends have been. It has really made me appreciate how good my life is and how lucky I truly am!!