Getting there slowly but surely

Hello everyone! Sorry, it’s been a while since I last blogged! Not much has been going on to be honest, I’ve just been at home relaxing and getting better. My Mouth is slowly getting better and less sore. Just practicing eating again now. Its funny how your tongue forgets how to work properly when you don’t use it for a while! But, I’ll enjoy re-training it I’m sure! Still got to be careful about the types of things I eat, got to still be pretty bland, but it’s getting better bit by bit! It has been very frustrating not being able to eat well, but I’ll be making up for it in no time!
Otherwise I’m doing well. I’m very tired most of the time, not sleeping very well, despite the sleeping tablets, but hopefully that will get better as I start to recover. I’m just in pain and generally a bit too uncomfortable to sleep through the night. Not to mention needing to wee at least 5 times a night!?! (I’m not even sure what that’s about!) Hopefully it’ll all start to feel better soon and I’ll be able to come off the pain killers as well, which I’m sure are making me sleepy during the day too.
Back to see my consultant on Wednesday for a check up. Nothing major, he just wants to make sure I’m doing ok and healing as well as I should be.
Not much else to report, I’m just chilling in Thirsk, not really doing anything so not really got anything to tell. Missing Liverpool and all my friends so much, can’t wait to be back with you guys joining in on all the fun!
It is a strange feeling now that all the treatment is over. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. It's been such a short, but intense experience it's hard to get your head around. Think I'm still trying to process everything at the moment, I definitely still have my moments of remembering what I've been through and just being like 'I can't believe that happened?!?'
Will try and keep this updated more, but for now take it as no news is good news!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Treatment totally finished!!!

3 Months ago it felt like this day would never come, but here I am, treatment finished!! After completing my radiotherapy my consultant decided that I’ve been through enough and the last cycle of chemo would probably just make me worse. After seeing me and knowing I’d been in hospital for a while due to my sore mouth he said that the benefits of that last chemo weren’t worth making me feel worse. I’m really really happy that it’s all over, I was willing to do anything to fight this, but as long as they’re happy I definitely feel like I’ve done enough! I’m not sure my mouth and skin can take anymore.
It’s also so nice to be out of hospital! Spending a few days at Kev’s to spend time with him (he took the week off work!) and to be closer to clatterbridge just in case i need anything, then I’m going up to Thirsk to get looked after by my mummy and daddy for a while! Not sure how long, but will probably be there quite a bit on and off over the next couple of months, not planning on going back to work for a while really, it will take a long time to get back to normal. But I’m really glad that all I have to focus on is just resting and getting better now. Have various appointments to see various consultants over the next few weeks and months to make sure everything is healing well and that there are no signs that the cancer has stuck around!
I do feel like things are starting to heal now, everything seems to get better every day. I can’t wait till I’m eating normally again, but for now the pain is pretty well controlled so it’s just a case of waiting! I recovered so fast after my operation, I plan on doing the same with this!! I’ve spent the last 2 months constantly watching cookery shows so I have plenty of ideas up my sleeve for when I’m better (not to mention having a boyfriend who is a very impressive chef (he’s currently making me yummy, but necessarily plain, chicken soup) who has many ideas for things to make me when I’m better, I’m very lucky!)
It does feel a little surreal to be finished, I was so focused on the treatment that I didn’t really think about it coming to an end. It kind of came as a shock. When you’re having the treatment you at least feel so proactive, like you’re doing something good to help what’s happening, but now it’s sort of just ‘wait and see’ which is a little frustrating, but I’ll keep focused on the little things and am gonna soon throw myself into some fundraising and some work to help promote the importance of being aware of cancer!!
Will still keep everyone updated on how I’m getting along and what the docs have to say etc. I’m so grateful for everyone who has been following this an sending their wishes and prayers etc! I feel very blessed! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Radiotherapy.....DONE!!!

So, my radiotherapy is all finished!! Had my last session yesterday morning. I’m so made up to be finished, it’s great feeling that they aren’t going to do anything more to my poor mouth and skin. The doc says it will get worse for a few days before it starts to feel better as it heals, but even psychologically I already feel better just knowing it’s over. Looking at my mouth is horrible, literally every bit is covered in blisters but at least I can only feel about 1 third of my tongue! Although the new thigh flap bit of my tongue is blistered and swollen as well I have no feeling in it, so it could feel a lot worse!! I am in a lot of pain and everyday they are increasing the amount of morphine I’m on to try and get the right balance so hopefully we’ll get that sorted soon and the pain will just start to die down too.
I’m still exhausted and that will last quite a while, but hopefully as I start to feel better I will be able to sleep more. Think I will be out on Monday, depends on how I feel though. Back in next week for my last chemo then fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong it will be bye bye to Clatterbridge! They took some blood yesterday and were about worried about some of it, like my red blood cell count was quite low so they will take some more on Wednesday and decide then if I’m up for the last chemo or not!
The last six weeks have gone much faster than I thought they would and it has been hard, but they kind of prepare you for the absolute worst so I was expecting worse. I’m so pleased I’ve managed to keep eating enough and getting my nutritional drinks down me that I haven’t had to have a feeding tube! I warned them I was stubborn enough to do it and I’ve even managed to put on 2 kilos!! haha, nothing stops me!
It’s been such a bizarre few months and I can’t believe it’s nearly at an end. I’m so excited now at the thought of getting my life back to normal, there is so many little things I’ve missed. It’s going to take a long time to get totally well again, I’m going to feel quite tired for a good few months, but I’ll get there and it will have been so worth the whole thing!!

I can see the finish line!!

So, I’m still in hospital, generally getting looked after by the lovely nursing staff. I’m doing ok, just feeling very tired and worn out and very sore. Only got 4 days left of radiotherapy now, and I can not wait to finish!! They’re doing everything they can to make me feel more comfy, increasing my pain relief and trying to get rid of various infections and blisters that crop up in my mouth. I’ve not been sleeping very well at all so the doc has given me something to totally knock me out tonight so I can get at least one good night’s sleep. Everyone is amazed at how persistent and stubborn I can be and that I am still eating on my own. I really don’t want to be fed through a tube again so I am pressing on and managing my pureed meals and energy drinks and fingers crossed it won’t be too long until I’m enjoying my food again.
Saw my consultant yesterday, she’s very pleased with my progress. After this week I have an appointment to see my main doctor in about 4 weeks time and I’m seeing my surgeon again at the beginning of december for check ups to se how I’m doing once my treatment has finished. It will then just be a case of keeping my eye on things and seeing my doctors a lot and hopefully that will be it! It will obviously be a while before I know everything is ok, but I’m definitely taking steps in the right direction.
Not sure how long I’m going to be in hospital, until I feel well enough to go home I guess. I will be going back to my parents for a while after being here, I’m not up to looking after myself yet! The hospital are happy to have me, although apparently if I’m still here in 3 months time I might be pushing my luck a bit!!!
It is hard, very hard, but the end is so near now and I am so excited to get my life back again!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back in again!

I’m back in hospital! Just been feeling a bit rough the last few days, a bit flemmy so just in to check it’s nothing serious and get a bit of rest etc. It’s not so bad and it is nice knowing that there are people around to look after me. Didn’t sleep well at all last night, was struggling to breath so I do feel a bit safer here.
Been feeling pretty emotional the last few days, think it’s mostly just tiredness. It is getting harder to keep going, but I am doing and the end is definitely in sight.
It was 20 years ago yesterday that my Nana passed away after fighting cancer. I don’t remember much of her as I was so young, but I feel closer to her now more than ever and I really hope she’d be proud of me now and it makes me even more determined to beat this for both of us.
I have honestly never realised how good food is until all this, ha! It just makes it so much harder not being able to eat properly. It’s such a huge comfort so it does make it much more difficult. I can’t wait till my mouth is better and I can eat whatever I want again!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Escaped!

Greetings. Thought I would write another little up date on how I’m getting on. Out of hospital for now (having taken the entire contents of the pharmacy with me!) on the condition that I will be straight back down there if I feel unwell or am having problems with my eating and drinking. It is still really painful, but hopefully with all the painkillers and mouth care I’m on it should be ok. Just under two weeks of radiotherapy left now and probably one more cycle of chemo near the end of October for good luck!
It is hard, not being able to eat much is frustrating and even when I do it doesn’t taste of much. More of my hair is definitely coming out now so will just have to see how that goes and my skin is getting quite red and itchy. It’s hard not feeling particularly pretty, but I know it’s all just temporary. I just can’t wait to get a nice dress on and some make up and hit the town again! This whole thing has put everything into perspective and made me realise what’s really important in life, but I do miss the little things too. It has made me realise that I used to complain about the stupidest things and used to think things were so hard when they really weren’t, not compared to this. It’s also definitely made me appreciate certain people in my life, some people have shone through as amazing friends and been so supportive (and some have been surprisingly rubbish, but I wont name names, haha!) I can’t wait to through a massive party when I’m better to celebrate and to thank everyone who’s been there for me! I’ll be back on that dancefloor before you know it!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Blogging from my hospital bed!!

Hello again! Have bee in hospital all week and only just got back up on line!! Had a really rough weekend last weekend, and felt pretty bad by the time I got back to the hospital in Monday, not really eating or sleeping at all so they decided to admit me to get me on some more pain relief and to make sure I was eating. Got bad mucositis (which sounds as gross as it is!!) which is basically just loads of ulcers and infection in my mouth! It’s much better now and has cleared up quite lot so that’s good. I also swelled up so much it was ridiculous, my lips and face were huge! So they’ve started me on a course of steroids to ring that down a bit.
It’s been pretty good having a week in actually, it’s just so much easier not having to travel and having help there whenever I need it. And just little things like they have nice mushy unseasoned food for me to eat that I don’t have to make!! There’s also been a couple of other young people on the ward this week too so it’s not been too dull!
Had more chemo this week, that went really well. I only had to be on the drip for an hour this time (as opposed to 16 hours on the old one) and I haven’t really felt sick at all. I have to be much more careful on this one as I’m much more likely to catch an infection over the next few weeks, but even if I do at least I know I can hack time spent in here!!
The teenage and young adult ward here really is so nice, it’s makes a huge difference!!
Only 2 weeks left of treatment now! Be back at home from Monday I think then nearly finished!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx